Friday, October 31, 2008

HAPPY HALLOWEEN


I hope you have fun watching the "window video" above and "A Betty Boop Halloween" cartoon.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Meaning Of Success



  • At age 4 success is.......not piddling in your pants.

  • At age 12 success is......having friends.

  • At age 17 success is..... having a drivers license.

  • At age 35 success is......having money.

  • At age 50 success is......having money.

  • At age 70 success is......having a drivers license.

  • At age 75 success is......having friends.

  • At age 80 success is......not piddling in your pants.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

A Few More Truths

Great Truths Adults Have Learned


  1. Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

  2. Wrinkles don't hurt.

  3. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

  4. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

  5. Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

  6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.


Great Truths About Growing Old


  1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

  2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

  3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

  4. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you
    once got from a roller coaster.

  5. It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

  6. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

  7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Great Truths Little Children Have Learned


  1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

  2. When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

  3. If your sister hits you , don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

  4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

  5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

  6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

  7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

  8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

  9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

  10. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Friday, October 24, 2008

They Just Keep Getting Strange

Now I've heard everything


TOKYO -

A 43-year-old player in a virtual-world game became so angry about her sudden and unexpected divorce from her online husband that she logged on with his password and killed his digital persona, police said Thursday.

The woman used another player's ID and password to log onto the popular interactive game "Maple Story" to carry out the virtual murder in May, a police official in the northern city of Sapporo said.

Police said the woman admitted to carrying out her cyberspace revenge and has been jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data.

"'I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry,"' the official quoted her as telling investigators.

The woman, a piano teacher, had not plotted any revenge in the real world, the official said.

She has not yet been formally charged. If convicted, she could face up to five years in prison or a fine up to $5,000.

Players in "Maple Story" create and manipulate digital images called "avatars" that represent themselves, while engaging in relationships, social activities and fighting monsters and other obstacles.

In virtual worlds, players often abandon their inhibitions, engaging in activity online that they would never do in the real world. For instance, sex with strangers is a common activity.

The woman used login information she got from the 33-year-old office worker when their characters were happily married to kill the character. The man complained to police when he discovered that his online avatar was dead.

The woman was arrested Wednesday and taken 1,000 kilometres from her home in southern Miyazaki to be detained in Sapporo, where the man lives, the official said.

The police official said he did not know if she was married in the real world.

Bad online behaviour is usually handled within the rules set up by online worlds, which can ban miscreants or take away their virtual possessions.

In recent years, virtual lives have had consequences in the real world.

When bad deeds lead to criminal charges, prosecutors have found a real-world activity to cite - as in this case, in which the woman faces possible charges of illegal computer access.

In August, a woman was charged in Delaware with plotting the real-life abduction of a boyfriend she met through the virtual reality website "Second Life."

In Tokyo, a 16-year-old boy was charged with stealing the ID and password from a fellow player of an online game in order to swindle virtual currency worth $360,000.

Virtual games are popular in Japan, and "Second Life" has drawn a fair number of Japanese participants. They rank third by nationality among users, after Americans and Brazilians.

K.F.C. Had It Right

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Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Purina Diet

The next time someone asks you a dumb question, wouldn't you like to
respond like this?

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow
for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line
when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because
I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so
it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here
that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.



Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
world to think of crazy things like this to say

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Daddy's Little Girl

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention. He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.

'They're mating,' her father replied.

'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.

'That's a Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered.

'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat, saying 'Well, we're not having any of that Brokeback Mountain shit in our garden.'

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Hamiltons Center Mall Takes A Step Backward

The oldest known enclosed shopping mall in Canada is almost completely gone. Hamiltons Center Mall has been undergoing major renovations for the past few months. It is slated to be completed within the next 2 years. I think it stinks.

The Center Mall was originally an open court mall. You shop in one store, go outside to get to the next store. In the 1960's, common sense took over and all the stores were connected making it one big indoor mall with additions being added over the next few years. Seniors could shop without fear of having been forced out in bad weather.

Flash ahead to 2008 and what happens? New stores are being built closer to Barton and Kenilworth Streets. The original mall is being torn down. You will end up going from store to store outside "again". The developers have taken a giant step backward. Can we say "ASSININE"?

While I wanted to get my chance to say how I felt, I never did. While watching CHCH T.V. 11 news last night, my niece and her daughter ended up on one of their items about the mall. Way to go Jodi.

Monday, October 20, 2008

On-Line Visual DNA Test

I recently had the following sent to me in an e-mail and to be quite honest was a little skeptical. After having it in my in-box for about a week, I decided to give it a try (glad I did). I have posted it here "exactly" as I received it.

This is really neat...try it !

When you click on the link, a series of about 15 pictures will come up.

Click on a photo in that category that appeals to you.

Again 15 pictures will come up, click the one for you and move on.

Just continue to keep picking.

At the end it will give you a profile of yourself.... It's called a visual DNA.... Your choices dictate your profile.

http://DNA.imagini.net/friends


Have fun.

Friday, October 17, 2008

How Adam Got Eve

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so, God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be called woman.

He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash them for you.

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

She will praise you!

She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.'

Adam asked God, 'What will a woman like this cost?'

An arm and a leg replied God.

Then Adam asked, 'What can I get for a rib....?

And of course the rest is history............!!!!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Harley-Davidson Facts

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'

St.. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? ' Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'

God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention!


  1. .. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

  2. .. It chatters constantly at high speeds

  3. .. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

  4. .. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

  5. .. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur,

But according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Man Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!


  • Men are NOT mind readers.

  • Learn to work the toilet seat. -
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

  • Sunday sports It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

  • Crying is a form of blackmail.

  • Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:-
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

  • Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

  • Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

  • Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

  • If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us, "Does this make me look fat?".

  • If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

  • You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

  • Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

  • Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

  • ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

  • If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

  • If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

  • If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

  • When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

  • Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, fishing, or
    NASCAR.

  • You have enough clothes.

  • You have too many shoes.

  • I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
  • Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Salute to a Brave and Modest Nation

Until the deaths of Canadian soldiers killed in Afghanistan , probably
almost no one outside their home country had been aware that Canadian
troops are deployed in the region. And as always Canada will bury its
dead, just as the rest of the world, as always will forget its
sacrifice, just as it always forgets nearly everything Canada ever does.

It seems that Canada 's historic mission is to come to the selfless aid
both of its friends and of complete strangers, and then, once the crisis
is over, to be well and truly ignored.

Canada is the perpetual wallflower that stands on the edge of the hall,
waiting for someone to come and ask her for a dance. A fire breaks out,
she risks life and limb to rescue her fellow dance-goers, and suffers
serious injuries. But when the hall is repaired and the dancing
resumes, there is Canada, the wallflower still, while those she once
helped glamorously cavort across the floor, blithely neglecting her yet
again.

That is the price Canada pays for sharing the North American continent
with the United States , and for being a selfless friend of Britain in
two global conflicts. For much of the 20th century, Canada was torn in
two different directions: it seemed to be a part of the old world, yet
had an address in the new one, and that divided identity ensured that it
never fully got the gratitude it deserved. Yet its purely voluntary
contribution to the cause of freedom in two world wars was perhaps the
greatest of any democracy.

Almost 10% of Canada 's entire population of seven million people served
in the armed forces during the First World War, and nearly 60,000 died.
The great Allied victories of 1918 were spearheaded by Canadian troops,
perhaps the most capable soldiers in the entire British order of battle.

Canada was repaid for its enormous sacrifice by downright neglect, it's
unique contribution to victory being absorbed into the popular Memory as
somehow or other the work of the 'British.'

The Second World War provided a re-run. The Canadian navy began the war
with a half dozen vessels, and ended up policing nearly half of the
Atlantic against U-boat attack. More than 120 Canadian warships
participated in the Normandy landings, during which 15,000 Canadian
soldiers went ashore on D-Day alone. Canada finished the war with the
third-largest navy and the fourth-largest air force in the world.

The world thanked Canada with the same sublime indifference as it had
the previous time. Canadian participation in the war was acknowledged
in film only if it was necessary to give an American actor a part in a
campaign in which the United States had clearly not participated - a
touching scrupulousness which, of course, Hollywood has since abandoned,
as it has any notion of a separate Canadian identity.

So it is a general rule that actors and filmmakers arriving in Hollywood
keep their nationality - unless, that is, they are Canadian. Thus Mary
Pickford, Walter Huston, Donald Sutherland, Michael J. Fox, William
Shatner, Norman Jewison, David Cronenberg, Alex Trebek, Art Linkletter
and Dan Aykroyd have in the popular perception become American, and
Christopher Plummer, British.

It is as if, in the very act of becoming famous, a Canadian ceases to be
Canadian, unless she is Margaret Atwood, who is as unshakably Canadian
as a moose, or Celine Dion....

Moreover, Canada is every bit as querulously alert to the achievements
of it's sons and daughters as the rest of the world is completely
unaware of them. The Canadians proudly say of themselves - and are
unheard by anyone else - that 1% of the world's population has provided
10% of the world's peacekeeping forces. Canadian soldiers in the past
half century have been the greatest peacekeepers on Earth - in 39
missions on UN mandates, and six on non-UN peacekeeping duties, from
Vietnam to East Timor, from Sinai to Bosnia.

Yet the only foreign engagement that has entered the popular on-Canadian
imagination was the sorry affair in Somalia , in which out-of-control
paratroopers murdered two Somali infiltrators. Their regiment was then
disbanded in disgrace - a uniquely Canadian act of self-abasement for
which, naturally, the Canadians received no international credit.

So who today in the United States knows about the stoic and selfless
friendship its northern neighbour has given it in Afghanistan ? Rather
like Cyrano de Bergerac , Canada repeatedly does honourable things for
honourable motives, but instead of being thanked for it, it remains
something of a figure of fun.

It is the Canadian way, for which Canadians should be proud, yet such
honour comes at a high cost. This past year more grieving Canadian
families knew that cost all too tragically well.




The above was e-mailed to me over the weekend and while I tried to confirm it as an actual newspaper article (as I was led to believe), I couldn't find any existance of it's authenticity. If the author wishes it removed or have it recognized as their body of work, just email me. It is a nice piece of work.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Who Needs An Election?

Dion, Harper and Layton are flying on the Executive Airbus to a gathering in British Columbia when Dion turns to Harper and says, chuckling,

'You know, I could throw a $1000 bill out the window right now and make someone very happy.'

Harper shrugs and replies, 'Well, I could throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten people happy.' Not to be outdone,

Layton says, 'Well I could throw a hundred $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people happy.'

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, 'Such arrogant asses back there.

I could throw all three of them out the window and make 32 million people happy.'

Friday, October 10, 2008

The Truth In Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.

He finds that the baby has dirtied his diaper so he goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.?

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Pocket Tazer Perils

A guy who purchased his
lovely wife a "Pocket Tazer Stun Gun" for their anniversary submitted this to the company:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra
for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect
on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it
against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back
and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad
with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was
reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood
moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to
protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately
on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-
second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out
of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while
I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference;
pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no
possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't
do it dipsh!t,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ol' thing couldn't hurt
all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the
prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . .
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure The Hulk ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then
body slammed me on the carpet, over and over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body
soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked
under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame
hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body
flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: there is
no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by violent thrashing about
on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my
wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape My bent reading glasses were
on the mantel of the fireplace.

The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps,
right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking
for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

'Nuff Said

I Just wish I had quit earlier. Going on 3 years now.

No comments: Links to this post

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007

While the following was written with an American perspective, it also works from a Canadian perspective, with a couple of minor changes of course.

Scenario:

Jack goes quail hunting before school,
pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun,
goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail
and never sees his truck or gun again. Counsellors called in
for traumatized students and teachers.



Scenario:
Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins.
Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark.
Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.




Scenario:
Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal.
Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie.
Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state
because Jeffrey has a disability.




Scenario:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car
and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal,
goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse.
Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang.
State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers
being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.
Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.




Scenario:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.

2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations.
Car searched for drugs and weapons.



Scenario:
Pedro fails high school English.

1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.

2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state.
Newspaper articles appear nationally
explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist.
ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system
and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum.
Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up
mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.



Scenario:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July,
puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

1957 - Ants die.

2007- BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called.
Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents,
siblings removed from home, computers confiscated,
Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list
and is never allowed to fly again.



Scenario:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee.
He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job.
She faces 3 years in State Prison.
Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.




This shows how stupid we have become!

Think about it!

Monday, October 6, 2008

PA SLEEPS NAKED

'Late again,' the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy.

'It ain't my fault this time,' Miss Crabtree. 'You can blame this'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!'

Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Sammy what he meant by that.

Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.

'You see, Miss Crabtree; out at the ranch we got this here low down coyote. The last few nights he done ate six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat.

Last night, when Daddy hear a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!''

'Stay back, he whispered to all us kids!'

He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt!

To the hen house he crawled. Then he stuck that double barreled 12 Gauge shot gun through the window of the coop.

As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and comes sneaking' up behind Daddy. Then as we all looked on
plumb helpless; old Zeke stuck his cold nose in Daddy's crack!

'Miss Crabtree, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!'

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Candi Werx Grand Opening

In a world where everything is run by chain stores these days, it's nice when you find one of those little specialty stores. It's even nicer when the specialty store just happens to stock one of your favourite items. Candy.

Recently, a friend of mine opened her store in west Hamilton called  Candi Werx . While Jules does have a stall at the Hamilton Farmers Market at 55 York Blvd., it's a little small space wise and the new store at 782 King Street West is just what was needed for the ever expanding stock for all tastes.

There are items for diabetics, as well as gluten free items. The store also stocks "retro-candy" (remember Cracker Jacks, Necco Waffers, Sugar Daddys, Mojos and Kookoos?).

For the really brave, why not try a sucker with a scorpion in it. One of my favourites, beside the Mojos, is the Scorchers. It's a hard candy with a touch of cayenne pepper. It starts off hot but then the sugar in the candy takes over and the different flavours is intense.

Don't take my word for it. Head over to the Hamilton Farmers Market location at 55 York Blvd or to the new store at 782 King St. W.

 
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